The Dark Feminine is NOT the Wounded Feminine

Our last post was all about the difference between the dark and light feminine (check it out here as the prelude to this post.) And a misunderstanding that I see over and over again when it comes to differentiating between these two is the incorrect assumption that the light feminine is “good” and “healthy” and the dark feminine is “bad” and “wounded”.

Is the dark feminine evil?

Let’s be clear: the dark feminine is NOT evil, and it’s NOT the wounded feminine! The dark feminine can be expressed in a wounded way, yes, but so can the light feminine!

You’ll hear people say that the dark feminine is manipulative, selfish, or unhinged energy. Or even worse, you’ll see people act manipulative, selfish, and unhinged and proudly say they are honoring the dark feminine! Lawdy! 🤦‍♀️

The dark feminine AND the light feminine can be expressed in both healthy or wounded ways, but neither is inherently one or the other.

Here is an example using the light feminine:
One quality of the light feminine is “nurturing”. This can be expressed in a healthy manner when one nurtures in a way that is energetically and emotionally fulfilling. Say caring for a sick pet or loved one. However, this can be expressed in a wounded way when one nurtures selflessly, putting aside their personal needs and desires in order to constantly honor the needs of others. For example putting aside their personal career desires to support a loved one in theirs.

Can you see the difference? How nurturing can be expressed in both healthy and wounded ways?

Let’s use an example of the dark feminine:
A quality of the dark feminine is destruction. This can be expressed in a healthy manner by ending things no longer serving the greater good, such as destruction of racist, homophobic, or misogynistic systems. However, this can be expressed in a wounded way by destroying things based on selfish or unchecked emotions. For example, ruining a friend’s relationship because you are jealous of the time they spend together. You can think of it as the difference between having a bonfire to burn your dog’s flea-covered bed versus being a straight-up arsonist! 

Here’s the thing: it is hugely problematic to associate darkness with negativity, as this can subconsciously affect both the ways we view our fellow humans, as well as deter us from exploring our INNATE darkness in an empowered way!

Because when we repress aspects of ourselves—natural, valid aspects—they can end up finding a way to express in non-empowered ways.

Let’s give another example, this time the dark feminine quality of sexuality.
When we embrace this energy within ourselves, we can express it in a healthy way that allows for conscious exploration and embodied pleasure. Without repression, we can pursue our sexuality in a safe way with people who honor our desires and boundaries. However, if we repress our sexuality, this is where the wounded, non-empowered pursuit takes place! We could start denying our need for pleasure with the focus to please others, or even worse, start pursuing and expressing sexuality in ways that are unsafe, disempowering, and don’t honor personal standards or boundaries.

Reminder: when it comes to feminine energy—both light and dark—it’s up to us to choose if we are going to pursue the individual qualities in healthy or wounded ways. Know that all of these potentials exist within us, and we have the personal authority to express our feminine in a way that is safe, authentic, and empowered!